Holy crap a new post!

Hi...*Hides behind counter* I know its been over a month and no updates. I'm so sorry, things have been very stressful between health and other happenings. I had to put all my energy (which isn't much) into trying to help with some other situations. Lets just say its been a taxing time. 

So….my doctors (both my surgeon, gastroenterologist, and PCP) aren't entirely sure whats going on with my system. All three are confused and and have stated that my situation is incredibly unique and complicated. And since they aren't sure whats going on, we are starting back at the beginning...square one. I had to deal with some Hulkish anger when I heard that & I couldn't even SMASH anything. This past Monday they had me do a lower intestine barium drink test (it's the 6th time I've done it, and it doesn't get any easier). It made me super sick and I'm still feeling horrible from it.

Coming up, I have two doctor appointments next week and then another test in Boston in December as well as another two doctor appointments in Boston the day before Christmas Eve. Hopefully there won't be any surprise appointments, but you never know.   

One thing I have been able to do is meet more of the spoonie community on twitter and gain their support and understanding to my chronic illness. Not that I don't get incredible support from my family and friends, I do. But its nice to have someone truly understand what I feel on a daily basis. The anger and frustration that I feel when I wake up and instantly have to run to the bathroom to get sick or having to deal with a "foggy" brain. The jealousy as I see other people able to go out with friends, date, go to work; hell being drive more than 5 minutes away from home! The pain I feel on a daily basis and have to hide from the world behind the mask I have taken 14 years to perfect so that no one is the wiser. The guilt I feel each time plans need to be changed because my body has other plans. These are just some of the emotions and situations I feel and deal with. No one can truly understand it, unless they are actually going through it. The amazing people I have met on twitter are not only supportive, but most who follow me also know what I'm going through  because they also have been going through something similar themselves. We support and encourage each other, talk about what we are dealing with without feeling guilty or judged. Tweeting with these awesome people and being embraced by the spoonie community has given me some peace of mind. Even if I feel alone, I'm not. There are others in the world who understand my frustration, my anger and sadness, even my struggle to find my footing in this universe. 

As I get ready for the next steps in trying to find out what is going on with my body, I know that I have an amazing support system. For my family, friends and my fellow spoonies thank you for your support and not giving up on me! 

I hope to have another post up tomorrow, fingers crossed I can do it! 

For those who aren't sure what a Spoonie is, here is a link to a great article by Christine Miserandino that I highly recommend reading to further understand The Spoon Theory http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/